About expectations

Shape your brain, shape your Universe

Somebody was telling me last week: women marry men hoping they will change, men marry women hoping they will stay the same.

Both expectations are sources of pain in the relationship. Perhaps you want your wife to have the same sexual availability, same passion and same relaxation in relation to your programme and interest. Or, more so, do the same things you do: build a business, make profit and move mountains for a successful business. Tough luck! This does not (always) happen.

Or perhaps you want your husband to spend more time with the kids, less time and the office and more with you, to talk and to do a series of activities (that you prefer) together. Or, even more: turn into your „friend”, namely be the tender, understanding spouse, with a feminine energy, with whom you can talk as if you talked to a friend… about things that we girls like to discuss.

Suffering (in general) and in relationships (especially), appears in 3 situations:

1. When you have unrealistic expectations and live outside your HPP (Hierarchies of Personal Priorities). For instance, when you expect to be someone else: spend as much time with the family, have a successful business, go to the gym – even if this is not in your HPP.

2. When you expect somebody else to live outside their HPP. For example, you expect your husband to take classes, learn, while personal development is not high in his HPP. Or when you expect your partner to build a profitable business, when neither money nor entrepreneurship are high in his HPP.

3. The third reason for suffering is when you have the expectation that you or anybody else live outside the universal laws (law of duality, law of eristic escalation, law of reflexion, law of transformational energy). When you want just the positive without the negative, when you wish to impose order without expecting disorder, when you fail to see that what you judge or admire in somebody you equally have in you, or that you have a false perception of losing or winning something.

Despre asteptari - Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

I often hear: I wish my boss were different, I wish my husband understood me, I wish my associate were…well, basically me, thought like me, acted in accordance with what I consider important.

You truly love somebody, if you accept them with the good and the bad and can be grateful for both the positive and the negative features of the person, without trying to change them.

If you want your partner to become different than who they are, it means you project your HPP on them and do not love them as they are. This ungratefulness will trigger similar experiences and suffering, until you love them for who they are and as they are.

The magic is that, if you love them as they are, they will become what you want them to be.

I know it is counterintuitive but please read this again: if you love them as they are, they will become what you want them to be.

Because, deep down inside, everyone wants to be loved and appreciated as they are.

And the change that comes from within you is the most important and powerful change.

Monica ION

P.S. Please write to me which of your partner’s trait you appreciate the most.

Shape your brain, shape your Universe